Golf Jokes


Not a caddy’s place . . .

Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?” Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.” Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” […]


Golf, Bloody Golf!

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you’re […]


Two Coats of Paint

My neighbour lives on her own and has set herself up as a handyperson to carry out small decorating jobs. She visited the local golf club and spoke to the secretary about work. The secretary decided the porch of the clubhouse could use a coat of paint and showed my […]


Things to say… Bad Shot Comments

1. “Put me down for 8, where’s the beer cart?” 2. When you leave the first putt way short…..There is some chicken left on that bone. 3. when you play a course with alot of houses and someone jacks it straight at one……….. yell, “HIT SOMETHIN” CHEAP!!!” 4. I’ve been […]


**** I missed

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said “****, I missed.” The good Sister told him to watch his language. […]