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A golfer's diet - Live on "greens" as much as possible!!
 
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Things to say...
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1. "Put me down for 8, where's the beer cart?"

2. When you leave the first putt way short.....There is some chicken left on that bone.

3. when you play a course with alot of houses and someone jacks it straight at one........... yell, "HIT SOMETHIN" CHEAP!!!"

4. I've been playing for years and just heard this one for the first time. A buddy of mine sliced into the woods and another buddy said"was that your tree wood?" How have I never heard this?

5. To a playing partner who was wearing shorts (and really shouldn't) "Are those your legs or are you sitting on a chicken?"

6. after some bad putting i like " so what your g string ridin high or what?"

7. When playing with someone way more deliberate (and slow) than their game deserves: "At least when I suck at golf I'm quick about it".

8. when someone leaves a makeable, well ANY, putt in the jaws, and they walk up to tap it in, I'll say, "Hey, you dropped something". When they start looking around their feet, add... "your lipstick..." (rotate with makeup, mascara, Cosmo subscription & handbag to keep the joke fresh, cos it can get old real quick
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